A green card marriage and what that means to me… lol
I’ve been married to a Persian dude since 1985. Yes folks, I’m old, as my dear friends will attest. Not really, though I do feel old some days, but don’t we all. I confess this only to show how stupid and silly we are in our youth… making all wrong choices, and justifying them by saying, “dad, I ran out of gas on the 405 for the fourth week in a row, just because I want to make the trek to a call box in my mini skirt (I was quite the babe, back then) at 2 a.m. just to call you and have you tell me, “You are the most irresponsible 21 year old I have ever met! I’m not bringing you gas! I’ll be there in 20 minutes. What damn exit are you between?!!!”
Okay, so, my misspent youth… Well, I was 21 before I ever smoked a joint… and that was only because my friends goaded me into it on my birthday and then we all took off our tops and ran around their pool for half an hour, before the police were called. Yeah… *laughs* that was fun… NOT!
So, in the early 80’s when my gay soul-mate, Clay, a kid I grew up with, was out, messing around, not using condoms, I’d chide, “You gotta play safe, babe. You have to!” Needless to say, my best friend died of complications from AIDS in May, 1993, years later. I’d gone into nursing school to become an AIDS nurse by that time, but it was too late for Clay. In the 80’s we, heterosexuals had nothing to fear of the AIDS… we didn’t need condoms, as long as we had birth control and abortion clinics… right? NOT! But what the hell did we know? Our government was telling us that this was the “gay cancer” that we, unless we were a hemophiliac, were not to fear it, but oh, what the hell, play it safe anyway.
Well, I didn’t. In 1985, I met this nice looking Persian man… (never call them an Iranian) and was immediately attracted to the pink dolphin shorts… and… well, leaving that unsaid, dolphin shorts and Angel Flights, didn’t leave much to the imagination… back in the day. Of course, he had “THE MUSTACHE”. They all did and I thought I was getting my own, personal, Tom Sellek. SCORE!!! Very handsome, very little English, very horny! We were a match made in heaven…
Well, one day… we’d been “dating”, mostly in the back of his 1970’s era VW bug, which we parked on PCH at lifeguard tower number 7 in Huntington Beach and screwed all night… after only 6 weeks, he “proposed”! Wow! I had just turned 25, I had a great “career” in the diamond business and I was an up and coming superstar in my company! I was gorgeous, single, had an awesome set of “assets” and I was going places… then MUSTACHE MAN steps in and pops the question. I’m like, “are you crazy dude? I’ve known you six weeks?” He replied, and I’ll give him credit to my grave… “I need a green card or they’re gonna ship me back.” Then a conversation ensued about torture, and hanging people by their balls and such… and I still refused…
Fast forward, 2.5 months later, our conversation… Me: “Um, Azizam, (my love) remember when I said I wouldn’t marry you for a green card? Well, I’m pregnant! We’re getting married! Welcome to Amrika!” The rest is history… on a Saturday night, we took off, after a grueling conversation with my best friend Mary (who I still love today) about how stupid this was, how greedy he was, there were abortion services available, etc… Next setting: sitting down in my folks, Orange County residence…
ME: “Mom, we’re headed to Vegas to get married.”
MOM: But, I don’t even know what your last name is gonna be…
ME: (deep breath) Nafisi-Moghadam-Tehrani
Dad stood up at that moment and grabbed Ali’s hand. “Well, congratulations, son, I hope you’ll do right by my girl!”
Two months later, after a 4:10 PM scheduled ceremony at “The Little Church of the West” the same church where my parents had been married in 1951, I was in an abortion clinic, starting my life over. For those women who’ve not been through this, (bless you) I can only say, this was the darkest day of my life. I was second trimester when I made the decision… and that was only after my Christian mother told me… “It’s okay.” So, to say, we started this on a rocky road, is an understatement!
Well, next time, I will tell you, (I learned this from my baby, Kage… keep them guessing) what happened next….
All of these posts lead up to Persian New Year, which is… March 20! “Aideh shoma mobarak! Azizameh!”